I wonder what I would have been like if I would have gone to public school..

Abrupt train of thought, I know.

I am reading "5 Minds for the Future" by Howard Gardner and was noting how different I am as a person than the person he described in school that suffered from an un-disciplined mind. He makes a claim that people are forced to spend so much time learning useless facts rather than structure and mental discipline and a rigorous desire to solve problems. I grew up avoiding facts. They were there, through hundreds of pages of books that lay around me. That couldn't interest me less. Now I fall into the realm of having a lack of trivial information to produce decent conversations, but structure and detail to my arguments that come from years of doing whatever I could to get through school without learning dead dates.

I learned adaption. Now that I've been in college for a while, I'm finally learning how to study in a way that I get the information. I've realized that I really love to learn, I just hate to learn too quickly and with lots of multiple-choice exams. Guh. I'm one of those people that don't get the base information until I delve deeper, and so much information fascinates me and continues pulling me away from the 'importants' that will be on the test. I suppose that is why adaptation is so important, to keep my train of thought connected to reality. I don't even really like school. I like the socialization, and I like the success of doing it well. I just don't have to be in there to be enjoying myself. I could be self-taught now that I do have this determination. Obviously I'm staying with the system though.

There's something of a fire burning inside my ribs; it determines that I will continue forcing myself to keep my eyes on the prize. Somehow I've gotten this venom flowing freely through my veins, telling me that I should pay attention to all these schedules and deadlines and dates but it's all over my head at times. I want to challenge myself, devote myself to things pertaining to the good and majestic and wonderful things in this world and make God the center of attention while juggling everything else.

Who do I trust? Who do I want to be? I guess it depends on my mood. This mood test in Honors this week is going to be hilarious. I'll probably end up in some cold, dejected mood and turn out to be introverted and cynical when that's not me at all. I read Shackleton's Way for that class lately and found a quote that is so totally me I should post it here.

"I love the fight and when things [are] easy, I hate it." - Ernest Shackleton

Shackleton was a leader and understood loneliness of choosing to make things a lot easier for other people to reach a goal. I admire him for a lot of what he'd done and imagine that this book will have to be in my personal collection because how strongly it teaches independence and the way to successfully rely on those around you. He has a lot of really great quotes throughout the book, and several parts of the book is solely devoted to what he said or what others said about him. He's no hero of mine though. I don't know what he lived for. Thrill? Excitement? I can't be that person. I don't have to chase danger to enjoy myself in what I do. God will always be a huge part of my life, even though conviction points out that I don't always know what's best for me even though I'm supposed to be listening to him.

I do know that I want to continue to learn, stay close to God, find and garnish closer friends with similar interests, strive to be my best. I guess I should write a mission as if I were a business of some sort to proclaim my intentions and put it on my resume and everything. Let's see...

My mission/objective: To serve God wholly through serving others, while dedicating myself to knowledge and wisdom, striving to be the best in everything I do, and discerning carefully what path I should take to greet the future, prepared for the new tasks life brings.

"Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge." - Proverbs 23:12